“Have thine own way, Lord.” Five of the hardest words to say and actually mean. Deep down, we may believe God’s plans are as perfect as he is, perfectly designed for our perfect happiness. He’s a loving God. They must be. Why, then, are they so hard to trust?
This hymn was sung at my dad’s funeral. If there’s a more fitting description of his life, I don’t know where it exists. He sought God and allowed himself to be molded, searched, tried, washed, swayed. In the end, I think his surrender to the Lord’s way was complete, even if the Lord’s way was to let him die. And it was.
Maybe that’s why God’s plans seem safer at arm’s length. Or at the end of a ten-foot pole. They hurt. They may lead to blessings unmeasured–someday. But in the meantime, they might also mean you’re dying of cancer. Or watching someone else die. That you never marry. Never have children. There’s a mortal walk between here and someday, and notwithstanding whatever final reward you try to put your faith in, you still get pebbles in your shoes along the way.
It’s difficult to let God have his own way when it’s so uncomfortable.
When the Sea Doesn’t Part
Nephi refers repeatedly to Moses and the children of Israel in exhorting his family to faithfulness. All the miracles God wrought to deliver them from the Egyptians were a source of hope, a reason to believe. “Therefore let us go up,” he told his brothers. “Let us be strong like unto Moses; for he truly spake unto the waters of the Red Sea and they divided hither and thither, and our fathers came through, out of captivity, on dry ground, and the armies of Pharaoh did follow and were drowned in the waters of the Red Sea. Let us go up; the Lord is able to deliver us, even as our fathers.”
Makes sense. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Consistent, right?
I wonder what Nephi would have said if he’d watched with Alma and Amulek as the women and children burned. “God will save you. Remember the Red Sea—uh…well, I guess he’s not gonna part it for you. Hmm.”
There should be peace in submitting to a God with power to part the sea. “Have thine own way, Lord. I know you’ll take care of me.” But when you never know if this is the time he decides not to…
The Gamble of “Have Thine Own Way”
A neighbor once had a vet tell him his cow wasn’t expecting. Imagine his surprise when he went to the barn one morning and found a new calf. He told the vet, who shrugged and said, “It’s not an exact science.”
God’s ways don’t seem to be, either. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn’t. Tells you one thing but means it in his way, not yours–whatever his way is. Spares you today, forsakes you tomorrow. Or seems to spare one person always and another never. Praying feels like a roll of the dice. It’s anyone’s guess whether something will come of it.
Maybe it shouldn’t matter. “Have thine own way, Lord. Drown my enemies or let them burn me. It’s all the same to me.”
I’m sure Paul has a comment to back that up.
But it’s not all the same to us mere mortals. Obviously, one alternative is infinitely preferable to the other, and human nature inclines toward praying for deliverance from the undesirable. Yet, my experience says that what I prefer is usually not what God has planned. I pray, and things go in the opposite direction. Or nowhere at all.
So why ask anything? “Have thine own way, Lord, because you’re going to have it anyway.”
If you don’t know what a victim mentality sounds like, now you do. I’ve been stuck in this one for the better part of my adult life. Usually, a “victim” has all the power they need to escape that role. It’s a matter of making a choice. But when you feel like God’s victim, what’s your escape? To jump off the pottery wheel?
I may not like what the Potter’s doing, or even know what he’s doing, but going splat on the floor is even less appealing.
So where does that leave me? Standing at an unparted sea at the mercy of a capricious God?
Unparted sea, maybe. Capricious God, no. He led me here with divine intention.
And guess who chose–chose–to follow?
Sometimes the way to escape a victim mentality is to realize you were never a victim in the first place. The way to accept what God is doing is to see what he’s not doing.
He may have written the story, but not once has he forced me to live it.
The Truth About Being Moldable
Choosing to let God control the shape I become does not cost my right to choose anything else. In fact, it is my right to choose–the exercise of my right to choose–that gives him the most control over my life.
He doesn’t expect or want me to flop at his feet like I’ve ceased to own a spine. I suppose you can fold a boneless person into whatever position you wish, but what’s going to keep them that way? Clay in a potter’s hands has to hold some shape on its own, to have enough substance to hold enough water to stick together when he molds it.
Something more than his hands is holding me up on this pottery wheel, and it’s not blind trust, a mindless hope that he’s got this figured out. It’s all the questions I’ve asked trying to figure it out for myself. Is this the wheel he wants me on? Is this really the shape I’m supposed to be taking? Are there other options? Could I try a different wheel? Be formed for some other work? Is this place I’ve come to the only place in the whole wide world God can use me? Could I go somewhere else? Should I go somewhere else?
I’ve asked all of that and more. And here’s what I’ve learned. God’s way has been a hard story to live. It’s not the story I would have written for myself. I don’t understand it, don’t know where it’s leading, don’t know how long it will take to get there. Where is there? No clue. But I’ve asked, I’ve searched, I’ve knocked, and I don’t know where there’s a better story for me than this. Because I believe it is the story God wrote.
Would I have his blessing if I sought a different one? At the very least, he wouldn’t stop me. If it’s my choice to stay, it’s also my choice to leave, and I think if I did–he wants my happiness wherever I am. He’d try to mold and shape me there, and who’s to say something good wouldn’t come of it?
But would I just have good when I could have had incredible?
So, I don’t know why my life has taken such a challenging course. But I know why I’ve stayed it. Not because I had no choice but because I made a choice.
Stand Still
Have thine own way might be words you choke on. Everything that comes with it might be the greatest battle of your life. But allowing God his way does not mean submitting without question. It means you’ve asked enough questions to decide submission is worth it.
Strong enough to stand. Soft enough to change. That clay is moldable.
So, as Moses told the children of Israel, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. It may happen more subtly than that great, splashing show of power at the Red Sea. On a pottery wheel. One turn, one contour, one shape at a time. But it will be every bit as miraculous.
Will it be worth all the uncomfortable and sometimes painful shaping?
I don’t think any beautiful, perfectly crafted vase ever wished it was still a shapeless lump of clay.
Thank you for reading! If this touched your heart in some way, please share it and leave a comment.
“Have Thine Own Way, Lord” Lyrics
Written by Adelaide A. Pollard Music by George C. Stebbins Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way! Thou art the Potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me after Thy will, While I am waiting, yielded and still. Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way! Search me and try me, Master, today! Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now, As in Thy presence humbly I bow. Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way! Wounded and weary, help me, I pray! Power, all power, surely is Thine! Touch me and heal me, Savior divine! Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way! Hold o'er my being absolute sway! Fill with Thy Spirit till all shall see, Christ only, always, living in me!
Scripture References
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I’ve been enjoying your blog and last week’s post really touched me. I miss your Dad. He was such a strong example of what living the Gospel is like. Reading it brought back a lot of memories for me.
I really liked what you said today too. This comment really stood out to me.
“Sometimes the way to escape a victim mentality is to realize you were never a victim in the first place.”
Wow… this is really profound as very few people ever actually come to this realization and level of understanding.
“The way to accept what God is doing is to see what he’s not doing.”
This can be applied to so many different aspects of the Gospel. Those who are truly here converted are here because they want to be, not because they’re “forced” to be here. I feel this post is very timely as many are questioning the applications of how the Gospel is being taught and supposedly being “lived” today. It still comes back to this though… the Gospel is perfect and true, the people aren’t. Yet…those who sincerely seek will find and those who endure to the end will be blessed!
Love you Heather 🤗🥰
Thank you, Spring. You’re so right. The Gospel is true, sometimes the people aren’t, and it’s up to each individual to seek out the difference. The work of God is worth holding on to even when it seems lost in the mess we sometimes make of it.
Beautiful comment, Spring. One that I agree with wholeheartedly.
I especially liked: “Those who are truly here converted are here because they want to be, not because they’re “forced” to be here.”
The key word (to me) being ‘converted’. Not many people are, or ever become converted. Instead, many follow through because it’s a cultural thing, or a tradition, and not from their own hard-won seeking. To love the truth because it is truth. To love virtue because it is virtue. It’s one of the reasons I knew Brad was family the moment we shook hands those many years ago.
For some, the gospel isn’t what they do…it’s who they are. Some of us just need a little time and nudging to wake up and discover that (referring to me, not Brad, BTW).
But I think anyone who comes to the point that they deeply want more, or in my case, my “big, grand goal of life” of learning how not to be a jerk–can find more than they hoped for in this beautiful gospel.
God Bless you and your wonderful tribe (smile).
It’s hard, but I firmly believe that many in my community (mormon) were raised on a lie–that we promised someone and had our relationships arranged before we came here. That if we’re good they’ll show up, one of these days. I believe that it is much simpler–almost always, God gives us the blessing of letting us choose our path and our man and doesn’t assign us these things. We have to go for it. Nine times out of ten, it isn’t the women who have had a few “false start” relationships that get stuck; it’s the ones that expect men to be perceptive or telepathic about their interest (men aren’t!), or expect God to bring one over. It’s scary, and so we tell ourselves that we have to have an answer that they are “the one” before we even really know who they are. So we never get to know them, and they don’t know we exist, and life’s hard all around.
When there is really nobody out there that we can even see wanting to get to know better, it is a hard place to be. Sometimes, that does seem to beg for a change of venue (or ward, in my case–the internet, surprisingly successfully, for my sister). If we do know someone that has potential, and we’re not doing anything about it–that’s something very close to anger; that’s fear. Fear is the opposite of faith. If we’re in a faith community, but don’t really want to be–well, then the problem isn’t relationships, not really.
Melissa,
As I’m reading your comment, I’m thinking of my life before I met my wife…and how now, being able to to look back at both experiences and counsel given, much of it was skewed. I don’t feel good about calling them ‘lies’ only because I truly think people believed what they were saying. Most still do, I’m guessing.
I was always told that I had a ‘covenant mate’ waiting for me, if I was ‘worthy’.
Now I don’t doubt this. Truly, I don’t. What I do have a struggle with, are assumptions.
We assume we have an answer to a prayer.
We assume it came from the right source.
We assume we know what that answer is.
We assume we know what the answer means.
We assume we know Gods intent.
Being wrong on any single point will create even more challenges for us.
*sigh* …and unless I’m just a crazy man out in left field, there are many people who make their assumptions and run off at full speed, doing what they “know” to be right, instead of taking the time and effort to put things to the test. To weigh and consider. To pray and fast, until you have that sweet, peaceful witness to your specific question asked of God.
You may not be right in all things–but at least you can have the peace and confidence to take another step in the right direction.
Yes, I do believe we all have a covenant mate. But did we make the same choices, to get us to the right/same place? No matter our conversions or convictions, there’s always agency involved. Always. And that means someone always has the ability to say ‘no’, to walk away, to give up, to take another path. Agency means the freedom to choose wrong.
Many do. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say too many.
On the other hand, maybe it’s like my case–God taking me on a path to prepare me for a change in perspective. To prepare my mind and heart, to understand what He was going to show me (in the future)? I knew who my wife was the moment we met–and she recognized me, also. We were engaged about a week later. That was 33 years, 13 children and 21 grandchildren ago. If God took me today, I’d praise him forever for blessing me with a perfect life–a life I had doubted I could have.
You are so right, Melissa, that God gives us agency/choice in these matters…but I do believe he has a plan, and in some instances the two halves can and do find each other. They both stayed true to what was innate inside them, and ignored the world around them to find the answer to that heartfelt draw.
I wonder if anyone has considered that perhaps God is taking you at your word in what you want? Could He be working with your other half to prepare them…or maybe you, so the match can be made?
Thing is, both are realities in this life.
The complicated nature of a union, is that it takes more than just us to make that happen,…but we’re only in charge of…us.
God Bless.
I don’t think we disagree, and perhaps “lie” is a very strong word. I guess that it is probably better to say that we seem to have an overly strong culture that God has mapped out our path for us. Instead, I think it is more like talents–we can be born with some innate abilities in several areas, but that doesn’t mean that we have to choose them all (or any!). Also, having a talent, or a prior “premortal” relationship doesn’t mean that’s our only option (or like you said, maybe even the best option if our prelife kindergarten friend ran off into the swamp).
God wants us to learn what makes a good choice, a good relationship, by doing; prayerfully trying to do the right thing, but taking action and deciding what we want to be. If we’re prayerful, and careful, while we take that action we can be guided by God–get early warnings that this isn’t a healthy or moral path, or confirmations that the thing we’ve decided to pursue in our life is pleasing to Him.
We have multiple paths available to us (and yes, some may not be optimal). God wants us to choose and learn through action and consequence how best to become a unique servant, within the structure of the gospel. I believe this very often includes the way we build our relationships, and with whom. The short version–I believe that there are more than one possible “the ones”, but God wants us to choose, and He wants us to act (living faith). The only paths I can see that were specifically warned against were paths of willful wickedness, and the path of inaction–burying our talents and waiting for God to choose each of our steps for us.
I don’t think we disagree either =).
As I tell my children, God is the deity of unlimited backup plans. He works with what we give Him oftentimes in our own lives.
What matters most (to God), I believe, is our agency. Is there a better path for each of us? I think so. Heather already pointed that out, when she reminded us that Gods thoughts are not our thoughts.
What we choose will always determine where we end up in the end. Yes, there are always variables, most of which we may not control–but we always control us. How we feel, how we will act and respond to the world around us. That’s on us.
My personal belief is that we will be our own judgements. Mosiah chapter 16 tells us plainly that people choose their destination and judgements in the end, not because they could now, but because they ‘would not’.
As for personal paths–I’ll say I’m convinced that this is a personal area. I certainly don’t have the ability to say where you, or Heather, or anyone outside my family belongs, but I have been given some specific guidelines through my life. More than just willful wickedness or inaction. But that’s me, not you. I have a few jobs to do, and though I might feel I’m doing them “badly”, I’m striving to please the Lord as best I can figure out–and then improve upon it as I learn.
What else can we do?
Yes, I think we agree. Perhaps our definitions might differ slightly in some areas, but I think that’s only due to personal experiences. That’s natural–and as for culture, I couldn’t agree more. So much tradition misconstrued as gospel.
I enjoy your perspective, Melissa, and deeply appreciate your contribution to this conversation. =)
Thanks for commenting, Melissa. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my experience, it’s that God is not nearly as black and white as we–or our culture–make him out to be. His plan is for our happiness, and because he allows us our agency, I think he has to be flexible about how he brings that about. It doesn’t seem fair that anyone’s happiness should hang solely on another person’s choices, solely on the hope that a one-and-only finds you someday, recognizes you, and does something about it. That may happen. It has and continues to for many. But if it doesn’t? Ultimately it comes down to having a soft heart that keeps seeking God and his will for your life, whether it’s finding a change of scenery and having the courage to make some moves of your own or waiting patiently right where you are and watching for God to move.
I think that’s a very good and specific point, Heather, “that God is not nearly as black and white as we–or our culture–make him out to be.”
If God is the creator of the Universe and all we know that is in it, I’d like to believe that He sees far more than I am capable of. That his scope of where I’ve been, where I may or may not go, and all the variables that connect to my life are seen plainly before Him.
But that’s me. That’s how I keep faith and confidence, even when I don’t understand what’s going on. To know that He loves me, and desires my true happiness.
You hit it on the nose for me, personally. Seeing to know Gods will for you in your life.
It’s what I’m going through, again, at another stage of my life right now, and it’s never easy. At least not from what I’ve experienced. The stumbling into the dark closet, tripping over boxes, knocking things over before you finally find the light switch.
Lately I’m learning that the reason he’s slowing my path in so many aspects of my life, is to help me notice. To listen. To see. To appreciate. With it has come a calmness and a question: “What do you want?”
…and I don’t have the answer.
Strange.
Heather,
I…I’m not sure what to say here, because too much was like looking in a mirror. The questions you asked felt like you’d picked my brain, or listened in on prayers I’ve had out loud.
What grabbed my attention the most was:
“God’s ways don’t seem to be, either. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn’t. Tells you one thing but means it in his way, not yours–whatever his way is. Spares you today, forsakes you tomorrow. Or seems to spare one person always and another never. Praying feels like a roll of the dice. It’s anyone’s guess whether something will come of it.”
My life started changing in profound ways, and answers flowing regularly once I better understood the nature of evil, and the nature of God.
Hear me out.
Evil isn’t infinite. There is a beginning, there is an end. It’s purpose is to grant you experience and is for your good. The Satan wasn’t always Satan, he was Lucifer, Son of the Morning. He will have an end. The trick here is that if we refuse to learn the lesson intended for us, we’ll eventually be thrown back into darkness until we learn what we are supposed to. See D&C 122.
God, on the other hand, is infinite. His power and influence–or the power and influence of His office–is infinite, without beginning of day or end of years. But for me, that wasn’t the important part to focus on. It’s our Father’s perfectly just nature, and the universal balance of it all. That all things will be restored in the end.
It wasn’t until I started viewing life from the perspective that it didn’t matter what anyone else did. Hurt me, steal from me, forgot about me, whatever the challenge–if I did good, if I focused on loving God with all my heart, might, mind and strength, and loved my neighbor as myself, all things would be restored in the end. I will lack nothing. No offense will go unnoticed if left to God.
…and that has grown my faith and hope in the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob.
It’s put my life and relationships in their proper place and focus. I’ve been led to answers as I sought peace and love in my own life–on my quest to ‘kill’ myself (meaning specifically the ego, arrogance, and all aspects of me that offend)–so I can become more like Christ.
That’s my hope, anyway.
The hardest part for me, Heather, has been those moments when I’m distraught, exhausted from efforts to do whatever I could think of to comply and to be obedient. “Just TELL ME, and I’ll DO it!!” But that’s not how it works–at least not when God’s dealing with me.
I have to know why I choose what I choose. To understand the process, the principles, and the motivation behind it all. Why? Well, I’m not sure I actually know that yet–but if I could guess–I’m going to say that it’s because there are times when we are left to our own designs…and we have to develop the ability and innate character to do what’s right, even when God’s not present.
To gain his trust and confidence. To be like Christ.
Now, this is all the gospel according to the crazy fat man who talks too much, so take it with a grain of salt…but this path is leading me to profound peace, and has filled my life with love and light.
So I’m guessing it’s at least pointing in the right direction.
God Bless you Heather, and thank you again.
I relate to, “Just tell me and I’ll do it!” The heavens often seem like brass and all the direction I’m praying for can’t or won’t get through, but maybe that’s exactly how God designs it sometimes. He leaves us to have to make a decision on our own. If we’re still seeking him along the way, he’ll let us know if we make the wrong one, but he wants us to reason it out for ourselves so we know what makes sense to us, maybe so that what he does confirm for us in the end makes sense and is easier to act on and accept. Maybe all we have most of the time is the hope we’re heading in the right direction, but we’ll only ever know for sure if we keep heading. Prayerfully, of course. 😊
That’s…where I am right now.
My marriage has never been stronger or more wonderful. Most of my children have grown and married spouses I adore–every one of them. One has chosen to walk another path and we pray for Lord to love and protect that child and help them find peace and happiness.
I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, and I’ve mentioned several times to members of my local church community that I’ve never been happier. As in ever. As in, I have a place where others accept me. It’s okay to love people around me fiercely, and to respect them, to worry about them and do things to make them smile.
It may sound strange, but I don’t feel afraid to be kind anymore, and I used to. People thought I wanted something from them. But after nearly 10 years of being the same, just waving, smiling and loving others because I honestly think they’re amazing, folks have stopped being…paranoid? (Maybe not the right word, but I’ll roll with it.)
Yet I have this hole in my heart, and for the life of me I haven’t been able to figure it out. Not yet, anyway.